walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
Randomize
