yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
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