do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
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