Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
