All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
