I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
I could have mohawked her pubes.
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
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