Nicole vs. Life
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
