Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
