1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
