1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize
