i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
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