Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
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