it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
Vodka?
Forever.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
Randomize
