Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
