The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
