Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
Randomize
