I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Randomize
