Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
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