planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
Randomize
