So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
Randomize
