Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
Randomize
