Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
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