If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
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