corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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