Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
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