Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Randomize
