You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
Randomize
