They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
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