had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
Did you pee in the oven last night??
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
Randomize
