porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
Randomize
