This dress was meant to end up on your floor
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
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