Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
Randomize
