he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
That reminds me...we need to get swords
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Randomize
