I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
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