is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
Randomize
