Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
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