Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
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