You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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