carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
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