It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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