i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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