she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
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