I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize
