I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
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