Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
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