My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
Randomize
