he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
Randomize
