dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
Randomize
