Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
