You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
