belinda wants 2 know wr u got ur butt pads
i dont wear butt pads that thang is au naturel
Yeah...right...LMAO
Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
