just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
Randomize
