I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
