i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
When did angry sex become our thing?
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
