home. puking in laundry basket.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
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