i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
Randomize
