sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Randomize
