i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
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