My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
Can I color on your dick again?
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Randomize
