That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
I think I am morally bankrupt
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
Maybe he injected his testicle?
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
Randomize
