I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
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