That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
