I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
I will pee on everything he values.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
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