i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
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