i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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