i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
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