I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
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