Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
