I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
Randomize
