can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
This girl is more easily done than said...
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
Randomize
